Beyond the Gates of Toyland by Edward Lorn

LornBeyondTheGatesOfToylandPublisher: Lornographic Materials (2016)

Length: 27 pages

Series: Book 3 War on Christmas

Author’s Page

Note: This story really works best if you have read the previous 2 stories. Edward Lorn has all three for free on Amazon in one volume (War on Christmas) for the holidays, if you’re so inclined for a bit of a horror holiday tale.

This book picks up where Book 2, Deck the Halls, left off. Mary, Santa’s wife, has been kidnapped and Santa is none too pleased about that. He’s joined forces with Krampus, who is sort of an evil twin to Santa. He’s also scary as hell. Good thing Santa has the Jingle to keep Krampus in line.

Santa heads off to discover the source of the malevolent toys that are wrecking so much havoc with his holiday and home life. He must speak with Geppetto, the preeminent toy maker himself. Lorn gives us a deliciously creepy version of the Pinocchio story. There’s a reason there’s so many maniacal nutcrackers after Santa.

Santa and his sack (of toys and tricks) head off to rescue his beloved wife. He picks up a new ally along the way for part of the story – a being capable of pulling his sleigh. This thing (trying not to spoil anything) is spooky and enchanting at the same time.

What follows is a bloody, murderous affair. Santa doesn’t pull any punches when his wife is on the line. I will never look at nutcrackers the same way again. This tale was definitely a much needed reprieve from all the syrupy all-too-happy holiday stuff out there. It was fun and messy and had me rooting for Santa the entire time. Santa is my hero.

What I Liked: Dark and delicious; holidays have never been more creepy; Geppetto and Pinocchio seen in a different light; Santa kicks ass with the best of them.

What I Disliked: Nothing – very amusing!

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